In recent weeks, I’ve heard a lot of folks talking about the fact that the level of trauma we are currently encountering in the world around us is beyond what human beings have evolved to manage. This notion really landed for me when I heard about the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, that occurred just days after the horrifying mass murder of Black Americans at a supermarket in Buffalo. All of this senseless killing of innocents evokes intense feelings of rage, fear, and despair.
Through conversations with friend and colleagues, I know that I am not alone in finding it hard to process all of the pain and trauma of all this uniquely American wave of carnage. Over the course of the past few years, however, I have encountered several books that I have found to be helpful in working with these difficult emotions. I have decided to write up a brief blog post highlighting some of those resources, offered in the hopes that they might be helpful to others who find themselves struggling to stay resilient through all this.
To be clear, this list is not meant to be comprehensive, nor does it reflect a professional expertise in the treatment of trauma and grief. This is simply a list of books that I’ve found to be helpful to me as a parent, citizen, and emotionally sensitive human being whose encounter with current events has sent me on a search for guidance, wisdom and solace on how to be with the world at this time. I offer this list in the hopes that it might be helpful to others seeking resources that might help them understand and process the challenging emotions evoked by the world we live in today.
It's OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand
By Megan Devine and Mark Nepo
Megan Devine is a trained therapist whose young, healthy husband died unexpectedly in a freak drowning accident just months before his 40th birthday. She was plunged into an experience of excruciating and overwhelming grief that lasted for years; in the process, she gained a first-hand understanding of just how woefully ineffective our culture is at supporting individuals experiencing intense grief. Again and again, friends and family said and did things that left her feeling even more alone, misunderstood, angry, and in pain. As she found her way through that unimaginably difficult time, she learned a lot about what actually helped her tend to her grief in ways that were productive and helpful. She went on to found a remarkable community called “Refuge in Grief” that has helped thousands of people dealing with intense loss. She wrote this book to share all she has learned, and I found it be a source of tremendous wisdom and solace.
Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair
By Miriam Greenspan
Miriam Greenspan is a daughter of Holocaust survivors who went on to become a therapist. As a result of her parent’s experiences with trauma, she grew up in a home infused with dark emotions like guilt, anger, and despair, and has made working skillfully with those emotions her life’s work. She makes an eloquent argument that avoiding these dark emotions can lead to depression, anxiety and psychic numbing. When we learn how to work with them skillfully, however, these dark emotions contain valuable lessons for those who are willing to open their hearts and minds to these difficult experiences. In chapters devoted to grief, fear, and despair she offers ways to understand each of these dark emotions that infuses them with meaning and the possibility of growth and transformation.
Love and Rage: The Path of Liberation through Anger
By Lama Rod Owns
As a result of his identities as a Black and gay man, Lama Rod Owens has a spent years grappling with feelings of anger and rage evoked by his experiences with oppression and marginalization. He was and still is an activist seeking to confront and transform the unjust systems that continue to harm so many BIPOC and non-binary people in this country. He came to Buddhism as an adult and went on to become a Buddhist monk. It was a journey that took years, and that challenged him to find ways to hold and work with the anger that animated so much of his work in the world. He wrote this book to share all he has learned, and it is a powerful mix of spiritual wisdom and practical exercises for those struggling to work skillfully with intense feelings of anger and rage evoked by living in unjust systems.
Active Hope: How to Face the Mess We’re In with Unexpected Resilience and Creative Power
By Joanna Macy and Chris Johnstone
Joanna Macy is a lifelong activist, writer, and wise elder who has spent her life confronting overwhelming challenges like nuclear proliferation and the climate crisis. She is the creator of a movement called The Work that Reconnects that is designed to support activists working on these existential crises to remain resilient, empathic, and grounded in love and compassion. She, too, offers an invaluable mix of profound spiritual wisdom and practical exercises that make it possible to be with the pain and suffering of the world without shutting down or giving up on working for change. More than any other author on this list, I have found her work to be indispensable to my efforts to be with the challenges of this moment we are living through.
While there is much more that could be said about each of these resources, my intention here is to provide a brief introduction to books that I’ve found to be helpful. If you find yourself struggling with grief, rage, guilt or despair, I invite you take a look at anything here that feels relevant and intriguing. My heartfelt wish is that this brief list of resources might bring some solace, wisdom, and insight to readers in these challenging times.